Porter Goss, the Bush-appointed hatchet man at the top of the CIA, has resigned. No reason was given in his official statement, but OplusO's investigative team has been able to track down Monica Screwinski, yet another example of a "Deep Throat" at the CIA.
Monica first met Goss at one of briber-in-chief Brent Wilkes' "hospitality suites" at the Watergate. "I know what you're thinking, but it ain't true. We didn't have sexual relations. Mostly I just sucked him off. Those Republicans are cheap and a blow job is half-price."
Sadly, Goss is leaving the CIA before he could drive out the last few competent and experienced employees. (New recruits pictured at right) This could put a dent in Bush's Master Plan to so weaken America's military and intelligence capabilities that the next president (hint: it's Hillary) will be left nearly defenseless against the ultimate backlash of international terrorism.