Well This Changes Everything

Who Could Resist?

All I Want For Christmas

Crumpet the Elf

The David Sedaris holiday tradition continues at NPR. Listen to his tale of part-time seasonal employment as one of Santa's elves. My all-time favorite Christmas line is from Sedaris. After an obnoxious woman berates "Crumpet" and threatens, "I'm going to have you fired!" Sedaris whispers, "I'm going to have you killed."

Merry Christmas, one and all.

Breakfast in Baghdad

"Man! If I'd known the chow was this good -- I definitely would've gone to Vietnam!"

Republicans Rig Elections

Former Republican National Committee official James Tobin has been convicted of telephone harassment tied to a "phone jamming" scheme during the New Hampshire election of 2002. Two other conspirators pled guilty earlier. The plot was to block the Democrats' "get out the vote" phone bank in what was widely expected to be a down-to-the-wire race for the U.S. Senate between Jeane Shaheen and John Sununu. At the time Democrats held a one-seat majority in the Senate.

Currently, Tom Delay and others are under indictment for various shenanigans related to their outrageous mid-census redisticting of Texas so as to secure a larger Republican majority in the U.S. House during the 2004 election. Along with run-of-the-mill money laundering and illegal political contributions, DeLay's staff abused the FAA during their frantic search for Democratic state legislators who fled Austin to kill the quorum needed to push through DeLay's plan.

And in Ohio, another key state in national elections, there are simply too many Republican scandals to keep up with. From the theft of millions of dollars in state funds by Tom Noe, a major Bush-Cheney donor, to the transparently crooked electronic voting machines from Ohio-based Diebold, Inc., to the interlocking GOP Mafia-like connections that taint every election in the state -- Ohio is a Republican cesspool.

Of course, there never was a satisfactory answer to the questions about the Florida vote in 2000. Consider that George Bush's brother was governor and the Bush-Cheney campaign co-chair was Secretary of State (and thus in charge of the election). The Supreme Court simply stopped the recount, thus handing the election to Bush by 537 votes. This narrow victory was made possible by an illegal purge of the voting rolls prior to the election by Republican consultants.

Even Republicans who don't participate in an illegal activity benefit from it. Their refusal to clean their own house in effect condones the felonies committed by their fellow Republicans.

Millions of brave Iraqis recently voted despite dozens of daily attacks. Yet for some reason, most Americans are content to have their elections rigged or stolen -- and they don't have to dodge car bombs on the way to the polls.

Is this a great country, or what?

Give 'Em An Inch...

The revelation that President Bush felt he had the power to spy on Americans without a court-issued search warrant should come as a shock -- but it doesn't. This administration was at war with the Constitution long before the Global War on Terror.

Although the front-man has generally been Dick Cheney, the entire Bush Team has consistently refused to share official documents, reveal attendees at secret meetings, or abide by historical precedent in dealing with Congress.

The latest outrage flies in the face of specific U.S. laws that prohibit domestic spying without a search warrant or separate permission from the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court, a secret court. Consider that for a moment: the secret court wasn't good emough for Bush. The Patriot Act -- which allows secret review of your library activities -- wasn't good enough for Bush. Obviously, the risks to America were so serious, and the urgency so great, that we couldn't fiddle around with search warrants, right?

Or maybe not.

Government officials credited the new program with uncovering several terrorist plots, including one by Iyman Faris, an Ohio trucker who pleaded guilty in 2003 to supporting al-Qaida by planning to destroy the Brooklyn Bridge, the report said.

Faris' lawyer, David B. Smith, said on Friday the news puzzled him because none of the evidence against Faris appeared to have come from surveillance, other than officials eavesdropping on his cell phone calls while he was in FBI custody.

In any event, after Bush is through rewriting the constitution to include a "divine right of Kings" we can all go back to sleep, secure in the knowledge that King George II is watching over us. Of course, this does raise the question of whether Bush should remain married to a commoner. Though it does appear he is starting to date other royals:

Kingdumb Come

"Intelligent Design" is supported by some of the dumbest people on the planet. That would pretty much doom it to irrelevance but for the fact that many politically devious leaders are using it as yet another weapon in the Culture Wars.

In reaction, many highly intelligent folks have defended true science with great vigor. Of course, being defeated by logic and honest debate has never slowed down religious fanatics. Fortunately, as if by divine intervention, one religion has spawned another. In reaction to the Kansas School Board's attempts to force creationism on innocent children, an entirely new theology, based upon a Flying Spaghetti Monster, has taken shape. FSM followers are called "Pastafarians."

May His Noodly Appendage bless you. Or your car.

40 Bananas To The Mile?

Have no fears: the Bush Administration still has its priorities straight. Should we ever tire of trading blood for oil, we will have plenty of bananas to take up the slack. The Washington Post reports that a recent poll of Central American attitudes toward the United States shows us to be extremely popular. Nations like Honduras, El Salvador and Panama rate America quite highly. Thus, it is unlikely that we will see a cut-off of our imports of bananas. Hooray! Of course, Brazil and Argentina think we stink. Oh, well. You can't win 'em all.

Surely our brilliant policies in the Middle East have given our ratings a similar boost in major oil-producing Muslim countries, right? Eh, not so much. The bottom line: Those people really don't like us. I wonder why? Yet if they ever act on their feelings and shut off our supplies of oil, the Bush team has a secret weapon. My investigation has turned up a photo of the oil-free transportation planned as a response:

That Christmas Spirit

Around this time of year many newspapers traditionally reprint letters and editorials meant to evoke the "Christmas spirit." Since they are certain to bring it up: What, exactly, is the Christmas spirit?

Christmas is supposed to be the time of Christ's birth. Of course, no one really knows the actual birthday so a pagan celebration date was hijacked. Come to think of it, that's how we got Christmas trees and wreaths.

Yet if we're going to celebrate the birth of Christ, even if the timing is somewhat arbitrary, shouldn't we have a strong interest in what Christ actually taught us? In recent years, Jesus has become a "holy" owned subsidiary of the religious right. Somehow, the specific teachings of Jesus have been dropped in favor of a political agenda of lower taxes, war in the Middle East, and public endorsements of rightwing beliefs.

WWJD?

Asked about whether or not to pay taxes, Jesus, observing that the government's coins bore the image of Caesar, said "Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's." Jesus also noted that "a rich man shall hardly enter into the kingdom of heaven." And for emphasis he reiterated to his disciples that "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God." [Matthew 19:23-24]

During the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus came across as decidedly non-violent. He said "Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also." [Matthew 5:38-39] "I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you." Particularly appropriate for the present day, Jesus also said "Blessed are the peacemakers."

Finally, what about public prayers and government support for public piety? Jesus was not exactly ambiguous on this point. "And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites [are]: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly." [Matthew 6:5-6]

Karl Marx was wrong. Religion is not the opiate of the masses; it's the Prozac of the people. Middle class Americans use religion to deal with anxiety. And for the vast majority, despite the teachings of Jesus, it doesn't seem to place any real demands upon them in return. It even permits them to appeal to the authority of God to settle disputes in their favor. Such a deal.

So as all you Christians lay down your credit cards for Christmas gifts this year, remember the words of Jesus: "Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." [Matthew 6:19-21]

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Bush's Mental Spider Hole

Old-fashioned liberal Mark Shields recently made the point on Inside Washington that George W. Bush simply refuses to appear before any crowd that has not been pre-screened. For example, according to Shields, he has made six speeches in front of military audiences. They are not known for being disrespectful toward anyone, let alone the Commander in Chief.

Yet Bush is even afraid of largely supportive crowds that might harbor a single critic or -- gasp! -- a heckler. Imagine that: A president getting jeered by a voter. It should be outlawed.

And apparently, Bush tried to do precisely that. Some of his White House handlers booted two people out of a public forum in Denver because they arrived in a car with an anti-war bumper sticker.

This man who is afraid to face even a potential critic is supposed to lead us against world terrorism? According to the ACLU lawsuit, there is "a White House policy prohibiting people from attending this public event if they held a viewpoint other than that of the president." Someone needs to drag our Coward in Chief out of his intellectual spider hole.

If you want to support them in their fight for your right of free speech, check out their web site.

Gimme Five

After the evil apartheid regime was overthrown in 1994, South Africa's new constitution banned discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. This week, South Africa's highest court used that provision to declare that it is unconstitutional to prevent gay people from marrying.

The court's opinion gives the legislature one year to correct this violation. The decision was unanimous but for the separate opinion of Judge Kate O'Regan who argued that gay equality should be immediate -- not delayed. I think I like her best.

South Africa thus seems likely to join Canada, Belgium, the Netherlands, and Spain as the fifth nation to recognize full equality for gay marriage.

Merry Christmas, one and all.

Jack Abramoff's Songbook

They may need to rename "Ring Around the Rosie." Something like "The Jack Abramoff Sing-a-long Contest" might be appropriate. Because when he is through "singing" about Republicans -- they will "All Fall Down."

Since Michael Scanlon -- former DeLay staffer and Abramoff partner-in-crime -- decided to work a deal with prosecutors, it has only been a matter of time before Jack Abramoff himself started singing a different tune.

Abramoff has the goods on dozens of current lobbyists who got their jobs by, shall we say, being very cooperative with Jack. The New York Times, apparently awakened from its long slumber, has a story today on possible "political favors" (aka bribes) traded by Hill staffers for lucrative jobs. Check out FireDogLake for keen insights and additional links on this story.

Inflatable Dartboard

Found a new favorite blogsite: Inflatable Dartboard. Check it out. Here's a sample of his (excellent!) work:

The Republican Rot

How far does the Republican Rot extend? Consider this 1995 (!) quote from Republican activist and anti-government extremist Grover Norquist, cited by Josh Marshall at Talking Points:

"What the Republicans need is 50 Jack Abramoffs. Then this becomes a different town," Grover Norquist, 1995. ( National Journal, July 29, 1995)

Obviously, Mr. Norquist has been involved with Abramoff for years. He also famously quipped that he wanted to shrink government until he could drag it into his bathroom and drown it in his bathtub. Of course, it might be easier to drown it in all the money Norquist rakes in from his Republican allies. For example, Grover pocketed some of the money bilked from Abramoff's tribal clients. But he's not alone. Every participant in the DeLay-Norquist "K Street Project" should be worried enough to retain a top defense attorney. Better hurry before the Christmas rush claims all the good ones.