Tuesday, September 27, 2005

P-O-P goes the G-O-P?

Are we witnessing the final meltdown of the Republican Party?

Bush, Inc. has botched the war in Iraq. There's little chance that they will do anything more than retreat slowly and pray that revenge attacks are blunted by a wary American public and a wide Atlantic ocean.

Yet Bush is far from alone in his political tumble. The entire Party establishment seems to be choking on a pretzel. Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist suddenly discovered his "blind" trust could give the wrong impression once his stocks had peaked. Subpoenas have been issued. House Majority Leader Tom DeLay may be indicted by a Texas grand jury that has already indicted a number of his henchmen, er, associates. Jack Abramoff, Republican Party consigliere, will be convicted on multiple counts (if he doesn't cop a plea first). Abramoff scammed millions from his clients and directed it into one of the biggest political slush fund operations in history. Absolutely every major Republican figure should switch to Depends® -- the bedwetting will quickly follow Abramoff's bloodletting.

The traitorous leak of Valerie Plame's name will result in at least one high-level indictment. However, it will be the first White House perp walk only by the technicality that David Safavian quit before he could be arrested.

In the face of these scandals, it seems the GOP strategy is reduced to stoking fears of gay marriage and terrorist strikes. If Republicans can just convince Osama Bin Laden to marry Saddam Hussein on the Fox network, they may be able to turn things around. But don't bet on it.

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